'm really new to this Catholic thing. I thought that I was subconsciously convincing myself that I really believe in all this stuff and that I really felt all this stuff. Coming here and going to mass was awesome but it wasn't enough so I came on the retreat and at the first night I was so confused. But on the first night at mass I had this incredible  rush come over me and I was like wow this is really real and I did not convince myself, I knew it was real; I couldn't weasel my way out of it, I was like wow...